Posts Tagged ‘Love’

We Remember

Posted: April 27, 2014 in Uncategorized
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anzacThis last week has been a time of remembering.

On Friday, Anzac Day, we remembered those who went to war and sacrificed their lives for their country. There were moving services all over the country as crowds gathered for dawn services, street marches and memorial services to remember the fallen and those who have served for their country at various places and various times in the last 100 years.

A week before that we celebrated Easter. This was a special week recognised by the church as Holy Week, a special time of remembering Jesus and the great sacrifice he made in offering his life for all of humanity. We spent time reflecting on the unjust trial he went through, the cruelty of his crucifixion, then the joy and hope of his resurrection.

Two weekends of sombre memories. Yet both were tinged with hope. Anzac Day services shared thoughts of renewed hope that we would learn from wars in the past and seek peace rather than conflict in the future. Yet somehow that hope still seems hard to achieve. As I write there are 10 armed conflicts occurring which are leading to at least 1000 violent deaths each year including Afghanistan, Somali, Nigeria, Pakistan, the Mexican drug war that saw more than 11,000 fatalities last year, the Syrian crisis, the Iraqi insurgency and conflicts in the Central African Republic and south Sudan.

It seems that no matter how much we march or remember, we still fall into our old ways. Despite all our best intentions to do better in future, we find ourselves in conflict with nations, our neighbours and even our friends and loved ones.

The hope that lingers with Easter is more than one that says, “I hope I can do better in future”. It is a hope that rests in Jesus whose sacrifice was beyond all others. I know that I’ll mess up again, but by trusting him in Him, I know that the debt of the past has been paid, and I have Someone who will help me through each day to discover a better way for the future.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

A friend, Steve Wickham has written this blog and I thought it was worth sharing with you. Thanks Steve.

There are times when we upset, the one we truly love, Steve-Wickham_119803
Times when we wonder, why we push and shove,
For their love is ours, and it’s not to be abused.
When we hurt those closest to us,
We really do betray an intimate kind of trust,
And they reel against it in a state that is confused.
Then we understand it’s something within us that’s unreconciled,
We may challenge ourselves where we are defiled,
When we have corrected ourselves, then we may be excused.


Transference may sound like a fancy psychological phenomena, but it really is very simple. We may upset those closest to us, because we can get away with it. But it is also because we don’t recognise some of the underlying issues behind our words and actions.

As an example of this, having recently snapped at my wife, I explored what I had just been thinking about. I wasn’t upset with her, or with what she was communicating, I had just been interrupted, and I’d only then been thinking about something quite sombre. She wasn’t to know this, of course. She would have no idea that something else completely unrelated was, for that moment, bothering me. She just happened to be in the firing line.

That is how we upset people – those we love – more often than not.

We may not even recognise that it is issues and concerns and anxieties that are just below the surface. We therefore transfer our fear, disappointment, and worry onto the other person, when they have no idea what perplexes us.

This is no excuse for us, of course. But it is something to be acutely aware of. We need to nurture an awareness from within us of what we just said and why we just said it. We need to explore these situations in order to root out the real reason for problematic communication. If we don’t do this, the one we love has to bear unjust treatment by someone that supposedly loves them. If we believe in the concept of love, we will believe in reconciliation, and we will take the steps to reconcile any problematic communication via apology.


We hurt those closest to us because we can get away with it, and because they are there when we face emotional issues. We are usually not angry toward them, personally, but we will transfer our emotions onto them if we are not aware. Awareness – of what exactly it is that upsets us; and taking responsibility – is the key.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

“Real isn’t how you you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child plays with you for a long, long time, not just to play with you, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. that’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t really matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

The Velveteen Rabbit (or How Toys Become Real), by Margery Williams (First published in 1922)

I don’t think I need to say anything else ….